Strider Radio
by Pandaswithsunglasses
Summary: Dave was feeling a bit over worked so he decided he needed an assistant. Little did he know that one of his interviewers would make his heart skip and may just be better than apple juice. There'll be a lot of parings, Broadway karkat references, and because Karkat is indeed in here lots of un-needed swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Dave sat in his office twirling his pen with his fingers. It was 3:00 and his next appointment would be there soon. He was looking for an assistant, lately his work was getting piled up and there were to many phone calls for him to be able to answer. Why couldn't people just take a break. He yawned and put his feet on the corner of the desk, he hadn't got any sleep last night. Too busy writing down song requests. Normally he'd be on air right now, but last night he also recorded himself and now thats playing on the radio. Knock knock. Dave sat up a bit, trying to look imposing, he loved to see them flustered.

"Come in, please." Dave called out. Slowly the door opened revealing a thin boy, not much younger than dave, with unruly black hair and big glasses. The boy smiled the cutest smile with buck teeth. Normally buck teeth weren't Daves thing, but today they certainly were. He smiled inwardly, and hoped the boy couldn't see his cheeks get a bit red. "Please sit down." Dave motioned toward the chair in front of him, the boy quickly did.

"Hello." The boy smiled nervously Dave's heart jumped.

"Hello... Mr. Egbert." Dave looked down at his list to learn the name.

"Please, call me John." John said keeping the smile on his face.

"Okay... John." Dave fought down a smile, it was like the boys smile was contagious. He picked up his clip board with the questions on it and used it to subtly hide his mouth.

"Alright, lets begin." Dave announced and John nodded his head slightly. Johns smile was gone he looked very concentrated. Though to Dave he looked absolutely ridiculous and adorable. "Why do you want this job?"

"Well, I'm honestly a big fan of yours and I recently got fired from my old job... So I'm kinda in the need for money." John looked down a bit, Looking a bit downtrodden.

"Why were you fired?" Dave asked detouring from the questions list.

"W-well... my boss never liked me... s-so when he found out... umm.. that..." John fidgeted in his seat and looked like someone was torturing him. Usually Dave enjoyed people looking like this, but with Egbert it was a torture of his own.

"Okay, you don't need to go further, you didn't get along with your boss. Next, How do handle stress and pressure?" Dave continued with the interview, John looked relieved.

"I'd like to think I handle it quite well... though I'm sure too much would set me off." John answered honestly and looked up with a dazed expression. Dave watched him stare in to nothingness, he was so fucking adorable.

"How fast can you type?"

"95 wpm" Johns goofy smile was back.

"Some words to describe yourself?"

" Ummm funny, goofy, nerdy, and loyal." John tapped his finger on his leg with every word. Dave couldn't help but smile at his description, especially the last word. He hid the smile with the clip board.

"Do you work well with other people?" "

Yes! I love people." The smile was as wide as his little face would allow.

"And finally," Dave leaned forward on his elbows, laced his fingers together, and placed his chin in the the little finger hammock. He stared right at John, though it was hard to tell with the sunglasses.

"What would you do if you didn't get this job?"

"W-well... to tell the truth I'd be sad. I don't actually expect to get this really, it's just kinda my dream job. Also I'm just glad I got to meet you in person." John smiled a smaller smile, it almost seemed like he forgot dave was there. Dave stood up quickly, John jumped a bit.

"Well, thank you for coming. I will consider you for the job and I'll call in three day to let you know the results." Dave walked swiftly to the door and opened it, John stood up slowly and followed Dave to the door.

"Uh.. thank you for seeing me..." John stepped through the door but quickly turned as Dave was about to close the door."Wait! I-I have a quick question..."

"Ask away."

"Do you always wear those glasses? I thought it was just for like photo shoot stuff..." John tipped his head to the left.

"I'll tell you the four times I ever take them off, sleeping, showers, swimming, and when I kiss someone." Dave smiled a devilish smile. "Byes." He shut the door, feeling extremely proud of himself. He pressed his ear against the door. He heard john mumble something then shoes scuffling and the small taps of shoes leaving. Dave finally let a full smile out and walked happily back to his desk. He had interviewed 24 other people before Egbert, 4 of them today. None of them even compared to him. First was guy who just complemented Dave on everything, Second was a girl who was trying to use her looks to get the job, third was another girl who was way to confident in getting the job, and fourth was guy who was just too normal for Dave's tastes. If he was going to work with someone, he wanted them to be entertaining while still doing their job. He knew John would be entertaining. Whether he could do his job or not... Dave hoped he could. He looked at his phone and seriously considered calling john right then. He shook his head, in three days he could. He flexed his hands a couple times and got up. He sauntered over to an end table next to the office door. He turned on the radio sitting neatly on the table. "Welcome back ladies and gentleman to Strider Radio! Changing music trends one stride at a time!" Dave heard his own voice reciting the slogan. He actually hated the slogan, but that made him using it ironic. He smiled to himself and checked the clock 3:50. At four he would have to go live and the never ending requests would come flowing in. He sighed and headed towards the studio to get prepared and set up a song line up.


	2. Chapter 2

Dave's semi-peaceful sleep was interrupted by his very obnoxious alarm clock. His pale hand shot out from the warm blanket nest to violently smack the loud device. He hit the snooze and silence rolled through the room. He pulled his, card suit theme, blankets over his face and moaned. Once again he didn't get a good nights sleep, he hadn't in almost two years now. He sighed and flung the blankets off. The cold air hit him like a knife but his will power was too strong for it. He laughed to himself, over dramatizing the morning makes it a bit better. Dave stood up and stretched as tall as he could, his back cracked a few times. He smiled a bit and walked to the kitchen to see what he could find that was edible. He passed the fire place with a few pictures on the mantle. The pictures mainly showcased his brother with a few pictures of both of them. He smiled at the pictures sadly and nodded at them, he didn't stop for long. His feet carried him to his destination and within seconds he was in front of the fridge. He rummaged through it and soon found an apple. Sadly he had drank the last of his juice yesterday, he planned on going shopping later today due to that horrific fact. He headed to the living room, plopped on the couch, and turned the t.v on. Some show about mobsters came on, he decided he liked it and continued to watch for the rest of the morning. The show was over so he hopped off the couch and headed back to his room to put a shirt and some pants on. He was pretty sure that those were necessary to go to the market. He grabbed a red t shirt and and some black skinny jeans, after getting dressed he grabbed his aviators off his end table. With the newly darkened view, it was a bit hard to see but he was used to it. He could navigate through the pitch dark if he had too, people said the glasses would ruin his eye sight, such accusations were so silly.  
'Im happy~ I'm feelin sad I got sunshine~ in bag I'm useless~ but not for long-'

"Karcrab what's up?" He slipped his phone out of his pocket.

"Strider I'm going to be in town so we're hanging out and don't fucking call me that!"

"Sweet, think I could get interview? You haven't been on lately and I got plenty of request for the karcrab."

"Strider, I was thinking more like a movie night."

"A movie night!? You always have to pick the movie and they always suck."

"Screw you ! My movies are the very best classics!"

"Right just like how you thought 50 shades of grey was going to be a good book."

"That was a temporary lapse of fucking judgment."

"Right."

"You know what fuck you strider."

"Anytime darlin."

"No, just shut the fuck up, Friday night. Movie night. Your choice. Your place. Got it?"

"Heh yeah, 8 o clock work?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic see you then."

"Bye karcrabs."

"Fuck you." With that, Dave's childhood friend hung up. He and Karkat had been friends since 3rd grade when Karkat saved him from the scrutiny of his 'friends'. They had knocked off his glasses and started gawking and making fun of his eyes, saying he had a deadly form of pink eye. That day Karkat had just moved to the school and hadn't even been there for more then 10 minutes before he walked up to the kids and yelled at them to shut the frick up or he'd shove dirt in their mouths. Being as tiny as Karkat was at the time, it was pretty impressive. They became best friends within seconds, their friendship survived middle school and high school. They were pretty much inseparable even after highschool. Karkat though got forced in to a singing contest by his gf and inadvertently won. His prize was a three year contract with a record company. Everyone knew that he was amazing singing, despite how much he screamed at people. Within a year Karkat was on the radio with "Ave Mary Am." With karkat touring all the time and Dave being stuck in a booth almost 24/7 they only hung out when karkat happened to be in a town near him, about once a month. Dave really didn't know anyone other than karkat, despite how hard he tried to hide it Dave really wasn't good with people . People pried and they don't seem understand the word no. A lot of people tried to become his friend to try to get on his show once it became rather popular. He'd never admit to anyone ever, but he was quite lonely and wanted a friend to be right there at his fingertips. This was the real reason he wanted an assistant. Why go try to strike up a conversation with a random person when you can interview someone and judge how interesting they'd be. John seemed absolutely perfect to Dave. A slight smile broke out on Dave's face just thinking about the buck toothed boy. Shaking the goofy boy out of his head he left his house to get his much needed apple juice.

* * *

**Why hello there people reading this, sorry for short chapters it just helps me get them out a bit faster. I'm usually pretty bad at that. ^.^ I hope enjoy what I have so far and maybe, just maaybe click that little heart button that watches you so cutely.**


	3. Chapter 3

Dave sat in the recording studios break room staring at his phone laying innocently on a coffee table. He felt like he was preparing to call someone after you got there number in bar. He glanced over at johns resume, looking at the number he had already memorized. Sighing he shoved his butterflies into a cage so they could no longer make him nauseous, he knew his bro would approve of that. He picked up the phone and dialed johns number. As the rings came he felt the butterflies again, those little pests escaped his metaphorical cage. Aren't they crafty.

"Hello?" Johns voice buzzed through the phone.  
Dave took a deep breath and put his cool facade on. "Egbert right?"

"Uh yeah who is this?"

"I'm hurt... you said you were a fan yet you can't recognize my voice."

"D-Dave!?" John just about yelled. Dave pulled his phone away to save his poor eardrums, though the boys enthusiasm was adorable and made him grin.

"The one and only Dave strider has decided that you would be a fantastic assistant."

"Oh my god really?!"

"As long as you accept the term that you have to bring me a monster every morning."

John started laughing nervously like he still didn't believe it. Dave held back a laugh himself at how adorable john was. "I will be more than willing to do that."

"Great, now I need you to get over to the studio and we'll get started."

"A-alright I'll be there in a bit, bye?"

"See ya john." Dave hung up the phone, still smiling.

"Wow look at you socializing like a normal human being." A female voice came from the doorway of the break room. Dave looked over to his boss, rose lalonde. As the manager of the building he knew her pretty well. They were actually drinking buddies not too long ago. They were less than friends more like mutual existences that have strange agreeing moments.

"Yeah yeah, I just hired the new assistant."

"Knowing you, you just picked the most physically pleasing of the group, was it the chick with large breasts?"

"As much as I'd love to have a chick around here with an actual chest on her, I chose a rather flat chested person." Dave got up and grabbed a coffee mug from the cupboard and poured some coffee into it.

"Well then that's surprising, which one was it?" Rose took Dave's coffee and drank some.

"You'll just have to see when they get here." He grabbed the mug back from her and dumped about half a cup of sugar in it.

"Alright I suppose I'll live with that, also you know that much sugar ruins the taste of the coffee, drinking it black is the only way to experience the true flavours."

"I only drink it for the caffeine, the 'flavours' can go dive off a cliff." He took a sip of the coffee and smirked a bit. "Perfect, wanna taste?" Dave held the mug out.

"I thank you for your intriguing offer but I think I'll have to pass on your coffee flavored syrup."

"Don't know what you're missing princess."

"I think I'm missing a date actually." She got a dumbfounded expression, before taking out her digital planner. She was then horrified. "I'll have to become acquainted with your new hire tomorrow. For now I must leave..."

"Oh man YOU have a date? Who's the unlucky guy?"

"None of your business now is it?" She quickly scurried out the room on her little ballet flats with her long black skirt flowing behind her. Dave shook his head, he'd find out soon enough. Taking another sip of his coffee he headed out the the main office, John would come here first and he wanted to be there to show him around. Dave sat down on the couch and debated on reading one of the year old magazines. He heard the automatic doors and slowly turned ,though he knew who he would see. John stood there in all his awkward magnificence, he smiled and waved slightly to Dave. Dave risks a smile and stands up quickly to greet John.

"Good afternoon John, welcome to the radio business." Dave extends his hand to John. An almost impossibly huge smile erupts on Johns face and he takes Dave's hand quickly and shakes it. Once again that contagious smile and adding physical contact to the mix... it's just like he was asking Dave to jump him right now in the lobby. Pushing that thought away Dave quickly pulls away and motioned for John to follow him. Without turning around to make sure John was coming he headed to his recording studio, he was a little nervous to show John that since it was such a mess, but he didn't really have any time to clean it up.

"Dave? Where're we going?" John had stopped following him, Dave turned around on his heels and quickly realized he had passed his studio... The giant red letters that stated his shows name was just above Johns head. Dave, being his 'oh so cool' self, quickly made his explanation.

"I was going to show you the break room first, but if you wanna see the studio first I guess I can roll with that." He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked slowly back to where John was standing. He then took out his key and unlocked his little space of trash and records.

"Woah... this is where you work?" John took the liberty to take a step in and start examining the small little room. Dave cringed as John stepped over a cup of ramen and then a few more. He resisted the urge to shove John out and then clean it all up.

"Yup, sorry for the mess... when you're in a room for more than 12 hours, this," he gestured around, "happens."

"Heh, it's alright It's cleaner than my room." John laughed a bit as he carefully sat down to look at a pile of CD's. Dave walked in and sat down in the chair by the sound mixer, usually it was jammed in next to him in the sound room, but he recently moved it out so his assistant could use it. It dawned on him that he'd have to teach John to use it, he looked at the boy still hunched over his CD's Dave got a massive headache... this was going to awful. "Hey Dave?" John looked up and over at the panicking blonde.

"Yeah?" Dave walked over and crouched next to John, who looked straight at him. Holy shit his eyes are really blue...

"Would you be upset if I borrowed some of these? I'll give them back I promise! I just love your taste in music." John sat one case down on a pile of three others. Dave picked up the pile of of CD's and John eyed him carefully, probably trying to figure out if Dave approved or not. Dave looked at the CD's, he raised his eyebrows as he saw one of Karkats.

"Go ahead, but for every scratch they get I take an inch off your hair." Dave waved his hand over johns head just barely touching his hair.

John flinched away, he debated on whether Dave was serious or not... It was pretty hard to tell. His new boss stood up and walked back to a table with a mixer on it.

"This'll be your little station, I'll teach you to use it later. Notice this phone here, it's for song requests and things like that." Dave then pointed at through the glass window into a room with a mic and a few computers. "That's where I'll be most days and I'll probably ask you to fetch things for me." Dave kicked an energy drink under the table. John tried to keep down a smile, he could tell Dave was embarrassed by the mess. It made him happy to know that his idol was actually embarrassed. Finally a smile broke out on his face and Dave cocked his head to the left.

"Sorry, I just find it funny that you're bugged about mess." John giggled. Dave stood up a bit straighter but other than that showed no other signs of acknowledgment to what John said.

"Let's move to the break room..." Dave opened up the door and held it open for john. John found this kinda humorous as well, but hid his smile a bit better this time. Dave closed the door and walked down the hall way, John tried his best to keep up with Dave but soon fell a step behind as Dave's legs were longer than johns. When they turned the corner John admired the room. White kitchen tile, light purple walls, green counter tops with a fridge, and some dark brown couches that were arranged around a mahogany coffee table. John, only then noticed the girl laying on one the couches. She had large circular glasses, long wavy dark brown hair, and was wearing a long out dated skirt. John also noticed she was fast asleep. Dave sighed and walked up behind the couch.

"John I need you here for a moment." Dave pointed to the ground next to him. John happily jogged over to Dave.

"What are you gonna do?" John wasn't dumb he knew Dave was planning to do something to the sleeping girl.

"On three we're gonna tip the couch over." Dave smirked a bit, John gave him a huge grin and nodded. First day at work and he already was going to be able to do a prank, he was to say the least elated. "1...2...3!" They bent down and yanked the couch up. With a thump the girl was on the floor. John looked up expecting to see a pissed off girl, but instead she was now sleeping on the floor face down butt up.

"How is she still asleep?" He stared in disbelief, he hadn't noticed that he let go of the couch until he heard it thump back on the floor and received a glare, or at least he thought it was a glare, from Dave. Dave stood up and leaned on the back of the couch.

"Meet Jade Harley the girl who can fall sleep in the blink of an eye and stay asleep through a tornado." Dave twirled his pointer finger like a tornado.

"Huh..." John walked around the couch, avoiding the sprawled female limbs, and sat down.

"Yup! Time for some ice cubes..." The blonde walked over to the fridge and dumped some ice cubes from the tray into his hands, He then walked back over to jade.

"Are you gonna but those down her back?"

"Nope." Dave rolled Jade over so she was face up and started placing them carefully on her face. One on her forehead, two for each cheek, one in her chest and down her shirt. John couldn't help but start snickering.

"Does she fall asleep her a lot?"

"Yup, I've told her not to let me catch her sleeping , but she doesn't seems to listen." Dave shrugged, stood up, and walked back over to john. "She'll feel it soon I'm sure, in the mean time let me tell you the rules if the fridge and pot. In the fridge if your name isn't on it, I will eat it. For the pot if you pour the last cup make more or I'll hunt you down." Dave pointed at John, who for whatever reason found Dave's threats as jokes to take seriously. They both turned their heads when they heard a soft moan, and some mumbled swear words.

"What the..." Jade sat up quickly and started franticly getting cubes out of her shirt after the ones on her face slid off. John was holding back his laughter while Dave remained silent with only a smirk.

"Good afternoon Jade." Dave drawled. Jades calm sleeping face was now covered in anger.

"Dave! What the hell!?" She stood up and tugged at her shirt.

"Sorry but I've warned you, you sleep, I creep. Just be glad I have the decency not to actually creep. I mean imagine if I was a perv, you're like a literal rock when you sleep. To a perv that's like an invitation." Dave shoved his hands on his pocket.

"We all know you're a perv Dave, just not that kind of perv." She scowled at him and glanced at John while she was talking. "And boy is it showing today..." She rolled her eyes.

"Okay Gem you got me, Jade this is John Egbert. He's the new guy as you most likely already realized."

"Hey." John waved meekly, somehow his earlier excitement had melted away. Jade crawled over the couch and held out her hand to him.

"Nice to meet you john, I look forward to working with you. I'll probably teach you how to use the mixer since he just pretends he can use it."

"When I touch that thing it sings like a delicate lady, when I use my fingers I use them right." Dave flexed his fingers.

"Oh my, I don't think you actually use them on delicate 'ladies'..." Jade was a little red in the face and Daves face might have also got some colour at her remark.

"Anyway jade how in the world did you get back here? I know I got here before you and I was sitting by the entrance."

"I used the emergency exit."

"Why?" Daves eyebrow shot up.

"Because I wanted to test if it worked from the outside, it didn't ring so so I guess it doesn't, we she should see if Sollux can fix that."

"They don't need to beep from the outside, Jade .Also how did you even open it from the outside?" Dave shook his head.

"Does that matter?"

"Ummm okay enough of this... John do have any questions on what you're doing?" Dave and Jade both turned to him. John briefly wondered if they were dating, they seemed like they could be.

"Well umm I don't know how to work that board and I don't know my hours or well anything really work related..." John scratched the back of his neck.

"Oh yeah...forgot about that."

"Good job Dave, this is why we never let you give orientations. Follow me John I'll get you started, Dave stay here and drink some more coffee."

"Sure thing." Dave was already pouring a cup. Jade and John headed back towards the lobby but stopped next to a door that was identical to Dave's studio. Jade unlocked the door and it was a recording studio, but not covered in trash.

"Is this yours?"

"Kinda I just use it to get some quiet time away from Dave and Rose." She wiped off some dust on the mixer.

"Rose?" John cocked his head.

"Man Dave is really bad at this... Rose is the buildings manager, boss if you will. She's usually here around this time but I guess she had something to do."

"Huh, what's she like?"

"Hmm it's hard to describe Rose, I guess fancy yet not fancy. Like if you took a fancy person then gave them the weirdest hobbies and humor." Jade smiled and pulled two chairs up to the desk with a sound board on it.

"What kind of hobbies does she do?" John asked as he sat down on a chair.

"Well, this isn't too weird but she like to knit. Last Christmas she made me a sock, not two just one. She also made Dave this red hat that was like a sock with a large hole for his face to peek out. He wore it the entire party."

"Huh... Anything else?" John couldn't help but smile at the thought of Dave in a ski mask like hat.

"She likes to write wizard fanfiction and game guides." She shrugged a bit. "She also likes occult things, like seances, rituals, and stuff like that."

"Seances?" John lifted his eye brow.

"Yup, tried to get Dave and I to help her one day, I was all for it, but she needed three people and Dave told her that we'd be getting possessed alone."

"Does Dave have any weird things about him like that?" John hoped to maybe learn more about his idol.

"Well... Daves kinda a closed person. I've been working here for almost a year and all I can tell you us that he loves apple juice and has an unhealthy obsession with ironic things. Also coffee, he loves coffee, but only if there's a pound of sugar in it." Jade shook her head. "Dave's quite the elusive person, you can ask him a question about his family and then suddenly you're talking about how if every person left their parents at 12 years old there would be a lot less crimes. Which makes absolutely no sense." She shrugged again.

"Weird..." John laughed quietly, he wondered if that was true. Does Dave really avoid questions like that? Jade scooted her chair closer to him.

"So enough talking about those weirdos, we gotta get you trained in the way of knobs and sliders!" John and jade spent the next two hours fooling around with the sound board. They became good friends soon enough. John told her about his old job at a clothes shop, his ass of a boss, and his fathers bakery. Jade talked about her first day working when Dave got trapped in a closet and they had to call the fire department. She also mentioned a bit about her over protective dog and her collectable squid plushies, John doubted that they were actually collectable. After that John said goodbye to Dave, who had drank an entire pot of coffee, and headed home. Today was a amazing first day, he thought to himself. He was pretty sure he scored some points with Dave, he got some CDs, and became good friends with Jade. Though he had yet to meet his boss Rose, he hoped that she as laid back as Jade described her. John just hoped that he could keep his cool and not get fired again.


End file.
